Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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