she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
