Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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