I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
