I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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