Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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