HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
