Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
