I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
