I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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