i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
