Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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