your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wear drunk well.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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