i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
should my penis look like a turkey
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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