I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
