My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
