dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
