i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
