I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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