So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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