Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
