You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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