Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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