Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
