he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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