Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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