you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
