I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
