I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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