I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will pee on everything he values.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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