I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
