nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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