tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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