FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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