Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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