Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
