you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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