I think I died a long time ago.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
