i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
