Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.