At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
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I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG