piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"