My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.