I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
