someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
someone owes me an orgasm
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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