haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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