Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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