does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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