Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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