This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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