Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
