you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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