Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
