There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
