Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
