my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
