maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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