and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
