remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
